Dear FanFiction Writers
by The Lioness Lives
Summary: ...cut it out.  Letters from various Narnia characters. This has, most likely, been done thousands of times before, but I don't give a crap and it provides me with catharsis.  Actually a canon fic, so, something new.
1. Sincerely, Edmund Pevensie 1

**AN: Hey, guys. This is actually a (semi) canon fic. I am guilty of many of these crimes, so that makes me a hypocrite. But you already knew that, so no harm done. I got this idea from HorcurxesandHallows who, in turn, got it from H o r i z o n s. Mine's a Narnian version, though it's probably been done thousands of times.**

**Enough talking.**

**Review!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Narnia, I would be writing FanFiction _why_ exactly?**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I am not emo.

Sincerely, Edmund Pevensie


	2. Sincerely, Peter Pevensie 1

**AN: I am guilty of this one . . . I am also too lazy to go back and fix it.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

It's Wolf's-bane.

Sincerely, Peter Pevensie


	3. Sincerely, Every Guy Except Rabadash 1

**AN: Yeah, obviously, I'm guilty of this one too.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

Four girls came to Narnia from Spare Oom. _Four._

We were never romantically involved with any of them.

(Rabadash, you don't count.)

Sincerely, Every Guy Except Rabadash


	4. Sincerely, King Caspian the Tenth 1

**AN: I will probably be guilty of this one in the future.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I am blond.

Sincerely, King Caspian the Tenth

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><p><strong>AN: To all those who have alerted this story and got an email saying that it was updated, but when they got on it was not updated:<strong>

**a) Thanks for putting this on alert.**

**b) Because Lightning Bird gave me an insightful revelation concerning the difference between "blonde" and "blond," I have come back to fix it.**

**Because you lot don't understand the difference between "blond" and "blonde" (NalaTS...), this is what it is.**

**Blond: for males only.**

**Blonde: for females only.  
><strong>

**I am truly sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.**

**AN 2: To all those who have alerted this story and got another email saying that it was updated, but when they got on it was not updated AGAIN:**

**a) thanks for putting this on alert.**

**b) Because Calyn pointed out that it should be "Caspian the Tenth" as opposed to "Caspian X," I have come back to fix it.**

**Again.**

**I am, once again, truly sorry if this has caused any inconvenience.**


	5. Sincerely, Peter Pevensie 2

**AN: Hey guys. Here's another one. This I got from the illustrations of the books.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

Stop calling me "Blondie." I actually have dark hair and dark eyes. Edmund's the blond one.

Sincerely, Peter Pevensie


	6. Sincerely, Aslan 1

**AN: I am not guilty of this one. I am, however, guilty of the last one. I just didn't want to get your hopes up by updating that one and then have FF sending you emails about how I've updated when I really haven't.**

**This is also kind of OOC for Aslan.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I died. I rose again. Get over it.

Sincerely, Aslan


	7. Sincerely, The Pevensie Brothers 1

**AN: I enjoyed writing the little tangent in the middle.**

**You find me humorous. Yay!**

**Peter probably wouldn't use the "I'm High King" card, though . . . **

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

We have not, are not, and will never have, a relationship with each other or our sisters.

We are not incestual, bisexual, homosexual, or any other kind of "-ual" besides heterosexual.

(And, in Peter's case, unusual.)

_(And, in Edmund's case, dead.)_

(That's not a "-ual", Peter.)

_(Posthumnual.)_

(That's not even a word, Peter)

_(It is now.)_

(Says who?)

_(Says me. I'm the High King and I can make up any words that I want to.)_

(Peter, I'm the judge. All laws have to pass by me first.)

_(Shut up.)_

We do not appreciate the insane amount of girls you send here. They rarely make any sense, they squabble with each other, and they're starting to scare the Fauns.

Sincerely, the Pevensie brothers


	8. Sincerely, Jadis 1

**AN: I am SO guilty of the last one. Not of this one, though.**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I am dead.

Sincerely, Jadis


	9. Sincerely, Lucy Pevensie 1

**AN: Not guilty!  
><strong>

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

Tumnus is my _friend_.

I also don't love Aslan like that.

Sincerely, Lucy Pevensie


	10. Sincerely, Edmund Pevensie 2

**AN: SO guilty. If their ages are incorrect, tell me and I'll change them.  
><strong>

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

Do you really think that it's possible for me to marry that many times? I'm only 21 once. Okay, so Peter was 21 twice, but I only lived to be 19 in England, and very few of our many girlfriends (or wives, depending on the story) came from England in our time. A lot of them are American (or Australian, or Canadian, or . . . a lot of other places.) Do you have any idea how scandalous that would be in England? In case you don't, here's a news flash: it would be very, _very_ scandalous. Mum and Dad would disown us. Also, they all seem to listen to weird music by people who use technology to sing instead of their vocal chords.

What the heck is a cell phone? And, for that matter, who is Lady Gaga? What's an iPod?

Cair Paravel does not have enough rooms for the amount of people you send here.

Yeah, so, please consider this.

Sincerely, Edmund Pevensie

P.S. This is from Peter too, but he's busy right now.


	11. Sincerely, Aslan and Jadis 1

**AN: Not Guilty!**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

We will never live in harmony. Nor will we marry and have children. Ever. It is not possible, as we are two completely different species.

The only reason we are writing this letter together is that we are desperate.

Sincerely, Aslan and Jadis


	12. Sincerely, The Guys 1

Dear FanFiction Writers,

We don't flirt.

Sincerely, the Guys


	13. Sincerely, The Girls 1

Dear FanFiction Writers,

Neither do we.

Sincerely, the Girls


	14. Sincerely, Susan Pevensie 1

**Ugh, Suspian...**

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I am not in love with Caspian.

He married Ramandu's daughter.

Get it straight.

Sincerely, Susan Pevensie


	15. Sincerely, The Guys 2

**Hehehe...  
><strong>

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

Who the heck is Mary Sue?

And why is she so scary?

Sincerely, the Guys


	16. Sincerely, Aslan 2

**AN: Not guilty!  
><strong>

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><p>Dear FanFiction Writers,<p>

I am Christ, not a man who makes little girls fall for him.

Sincerely, Aslan


	17. Sincerely, Everybody 1

Dear FanFiction Writers,

Narnians come from Narnia and have Narnian things.

Calormenes come from Calormen and have Calormene things.

Archenlanders come from Archenland and have Archenlandish things.

Sincerely, Everybody


End file.
